a beginning with noEND

Sinking in your rhythm of LOVE

I am tickled with a FEEL

A feel I lingered for

Solitude engulfed within

Binding in love

With the pace of my heart beat

Words of  Care

and my life to SHARE

Tumbled down at a path

Leading no where

I WISH I could not

Put you through this

Soon it will end

End that would Begin

YES! a beginning with noEND

Picture speak….

Vouch your opinion!

Here’s a situation which was posed to few participants in a talk show(Antharmukham on MAA tv):

A girl was in love with a rogue who happen to get into her house when her parents were away and kissed her. She immediately reacted by slapping him with her sandals. 2 years later she was married and on her first night her husband confessed of his previous love affair and asked her to confess the same if she had any. As the girl had forgotten the rouge completely she said she had no such affairs. Later in few years the rouge happen to spot her in the same city he lived and wrote a letter of blackmail saying that he had captured his kissing with her on his cell phone and he would pass it on to her husband if she wouldn’t comply to his wish of spending a night with him.

Now the question is what the girl has to do…..your inputs and thoughts please. How should that girl handle this situation!

Fast track chanting….

Recently I had been to a temple with my son, i was waiting for the priest to ask details for the archana which i had paid for waiting in a long Que. The priest comes to us and asks our names collects the pink bill and moves to the second person, i was taken back with this gesture of not asking for gorthram nakshathram and rasi…after the wait on a chill morning to collect your archana ticket you are just being asked your names which were not audibly chanted either.

I saw this being done at every temple these days, i was talking about this with a colleague of mine who does not come to office with a vermilion on his forehead. He simply says that everything is being worked the fast track way and i guess the priest in the busy area like mine would have done the same. Hopefully there were many more fast track ways to convey your prayers to god a email or so…i remember writing letters when i was a kid to Santa and keep under the pillow which magically turned into one of the presents i wanted from the list of many.

Anyways, the next thing i noticed was while my son was calling me mummy in the temple few women turned back gave a strange look to which i smiled they turned around and one of the lady peeps and looks at me feet and then stares at my neck…i was like what the heck..and they began their talks in kannada…these days girls feel ashamed of wearing a toe ring or a thali despite of having a kid..what a generation! Should i go around and tell the whole damn world that excuse me…i am not so keen in wearing what i am not comfortable with….or rather which i no more possess.

It feels odd to visit temples these days…i at least avoid going on the crowded days which would save me from the stares and yeah also the fast track chanting of mantra’s….

Be Mine…..

Hey sunshine,
Be mine,
For a lifetime,
Be mine...

Feel my love,
Abysmal it is,
It would last longer than you live,
it would live the worst of fears and tears..

Hey sunshine,
Be mine,
With all my heart,
I invite you into it..
I promise, it would always be warm and cozy,
For you to stay live nice and easy..

For a lifetime,
Be mine,
Just feel my love,
Its so tempting and sweet that u'll never leave,
I promise I would make you smile and lively,
Writing your memories with fun and glee,

Hey sunshine,
Be mine,
It will be a nice journey,
Just you and me..

For a lifetime,
Be mine,
Weaving the threads of life,
Lets begin with smile..

SON….

such was the delight holding you in my arms

vision went blur and heart weak

yet a smile of fulfillment

YOU  made me feel so belonged

So much magic in your touch

so much fragrance

so many question in my mind

so many responsibilities

Your smile enlightens my day

your warmth soothes my heart

your cries make me fragile

you my son make me complete….

with a purpose to live….

Love or crush?

You got to take real good care of yourself and no running for 20 days until your cast is removed. I stared back at the Dr while I try to get off the high bed in his room while he was busy writing prescription to make the days ahead more worse. As i thank him for fixing my left leg and step out of the room, I see all my friends glee.

 

Wonder what was running into my mind while i tripped over pots that were aligned in front of my HOD’s office. All I can feel was the pain and my cry was loud enough to invite public around me to ooo and aaah. While my friends went to get a vehicle to help me to reach a doc asap people around were already finalizing of what would have happened to my leg. She must have had multiple fractures or may be airline fracture types. More than comforting me they were adding fear to my pains. People don’t change…would they?

 

At last I was rushed to this Dr who was supposed to be doing the fixing up bones work from past 20 years, well with the pain i was going thru my friends had time to even to find the best ortho around to fix up my tender bones (tender at the age of 20!). And this Dr happened to have mastered in this field as he was fixing up with my leg he was asking all kind of questions of how i fell if i fell towards my left or towards my right and if it was my boyfriend who brought me to him pointing to our college rep. I smiled back forgetting all the pain (how i wish he was) i said no he is our college rep. Duly, Kiran over heard me (yup it was his name) he smiled at me. This question somehow had already sent waves across the two hearts which were almost in love(or may be crush) since last rhapsody (our college fest) i was a mere volunteer as any other average girl and he was the college student president. We happen to bump into each other while i was trying to pull a chair out of the stack which were quite tight…as the chair released i happen to fall back and the chair with a thump…i soon got to realize that Kiran had been hurt on his back who was fixing up a banner! Disaster all i could say i am sorry dusting me up in a muddy ground…a cloud of dust had already gone it to his eyes and he was trying to clean his eyes to have clear vision of who the heck is doing this to him. In few minutes i see a guy in front of me waiting for me to apologize. I instead laugh at his hair which looked like a nest with dry straw from ground. Kiran in his husky voice said “U dare show other teeth of yours and off they fall on the ground”

 

That was rude, rude to yell at a girl with the entire crowd gathered for a play to commence..Tears started flowing down and i left the place in grief and after that day I had just met him inside the HOD’s office exchanging apologies and forgetting the past and I again fell in love with him (or may be a crush). I was lost in the thoughts of what had happened last rhapsody that i tripped and fell as he being the closest to witness my aghast!! He brought me to this Dr Weirdo…

 

It’s been a week on the bed and my grandpa nursing me…I felt like a vegetable. There was a sudden noise in my calm ashram of 2 souls I was awakened from my afternoon nap. As i rubbed my eyelids i could see few of my friends and Kiran with them…i could not expect anything like this. Mobile phone was too much to afford those days according to my grandpa and i felt little odd of being in the worst possible position i could be.

 

The prince of our college was here and i as every girl wanted to look best every time he saw me. But today i was wearing a crumpled t-shirt a jean of good old days and my hair looking like the scare crow’s hairstyle. Alas what was this…i tried to tidy myself up pushing all the m&b books scattered on the bed aside.

 

Everyone sat on the bed i was and was enquiring when my next visit to Dr to be. It was then i realised how much girls talk..i was waiting for prince charming to break his silence…it was after 5minutes he walked up to me with a card and said speedy recovery kavi…it was then i realised how sweet my name was. The name i always cursed for being named so…every class i was in school had yet another Kavitha or couple of Kavitha’s. How i hated it, but now it sounded like music. Love triumph’s…or may i call it a crush!

 

He then noticed a book which had a pencil in it and he grabbed it n started looking into my sketches and stopped at a page and started staring at one..This was sketched on the same date i had broken my limb. He looked at it and smiled and he could feel my eyes over him…he smiled again and took the pencil and sketched something for the rest of the time they were homes, I was restless to see what he had written..Was he answering my silent questions or is he putting across his…i waited for the conversation to end (girls! yes girls talk a lot).

 

Finally they bid bye as Kiran kept the book where it was and left with a smile. Hope to see you at college as early as possible.

 

I cried out for grandpa to get me that book, he was worried why I was so excited. He sat beside me as i looked at the sketch. He had drawn a sun and its ray falling on the sketch i had drawn (sun rays = kiran) was it a hope or was it a riddle….i started thinking about it every day and night that passed by…the urge to know what it meant and to be at college encouraged me to walk early, at least manage to limp better.

 

Even during summer the day seemed perfect. No humidity..That i why i love Bangalore so much!! Once lived in Bangalore can never leave Bangalore. Everyone had tensions about exams results…and i was looking for Kiran whom i had last seen at my house it been 3 months since i saw him after that. My eyes were looking for him even today i had no luck. I checked my result even that did not bring much of light on my face. I sat amidst the crowd opposite the pots i fell that day and suddenly a shadow appeared across i lift my head up and i see Kiran.

 

Sudden glow and smiles on my face as i hit gold while looking for some pebbles. He said hey Kavi..(Musical again..It was when i started to hate my name again) hope you are good enough run a marathon.

 

Thanks Kiran, whats up with you?

 

Me going to the states Kavi tom.

 

I chanced to get into the Utah state university to pursue my studies.

 

Suddenly summer started to show its heat. I stood up and wished all the best! He held my hand and said. It was a nice sketch yaar i was busy with GRE and stuff after i visited you. I was looking for you since a week but had tough luck (Both were looking for each other in the opposite directions i guess).

 

I smiled to admit the fact that we are going to depart before we confessed our love or crush to be turned into love. He continued to ask what my plans were. I don’t know what drove me to say marry and settle. He said O i see. My grandpa is growing old and he wants to see me settled when he is around and maybe i will be married soon. He was quite for sometime looking at the ground and kicking a pebble nearby. He looked back and said, well all the best! Hope to stay in touch and he left..i did not dare to look back as in my mind i was thinking if he had loved me back he would tell it…i guess he rather was a sun who was here just for half the day and rest it was the moon!  I walked home forgetting the distance and being question for being late home on my result day.

 

It was in Singapore i got an email from a friend of mine sent her wedding card and we had this conversation thread going on in that email that Kiran had wished her as well. Again his name brought a spark in me, i went to Gmail and hit show details next to my name and here it flashes him email id…it was after a year when i moved to do my PhD i had ever heard or saw something belonging to our Prince Charming of the college!

 

Should i start writing to him asking what he is doing, will he be interested to know that i have not been married because i realized that i want to make my career first than marry. So many questions were fighting within me the entire night passed…morning first thing i did was wished my friend and soon there was a email in my inbox from him…at last we again started talking we started to talk on Gtalk…I began with asking how is he and how is his life. He answered saying going good Kavi (my name sounded musical again) busy with studies, part-time job and a life time girl friend! I couldn’t stop a tear roll down my cheek and he asked mine. I said happy with my studies and comes the question about personal life…I smiled with tears and a lump in the throat and stopped I emailing him forever!

WAS IT A CRUSH? or my first love

It did not take much long for me to know that he confessed his love to my best friend who feared to tell me with a thought of losing our friendship. I then realized god has given us friends to share evey single feel you never know when and how they might be the key to your solution if not key they surely can lend a shoulder to support!